Rosemarie
Hometown: Bronx, New York
Positive Since: December 3,1990
Relationship Status: Married
Age: 56
Favorite Movies: All action and political dramas, psychological dramas and science fiction, some comedies
I was born on March 14, 1952 in the Bronx, New York and was raised by a devout Catholic mother. My father left when I was a young child and I did not see him again until later in life. I was a shy and ambitious child. I attended Catholic grammar school and George Washington High School. Public high school meant one thing for me at that time: freedom. For parts of ninth and tenth grade, I was able to cut classes during rotation periods between classes and lunch to fool around and “do whatever.” In September of 1969, I started the eleventh grade. Eleventh grade was the beginning of my experimentation with alcohol, parties, and boys. I had been caught up in the political upheaval and joined in any cause I could find (like the civil rights movement) just to join in.
I got infected with HIV while I using coke and heroine. I came to a conclusion that every experience that I could remember I put myself at risk for catching HIV. I knew I had it – I just knew I had it. The times when I was in pain and used someone else’s works without really cleaning them, or there were times I wanted drugs, and the best way to get them was to give my body to a dealer in exchange for coke or heroine.
I didn’t know I was positive until I had developed chronic tonsillitis and constant swollen lymph node. I was living in a drug rehabilitation program facility, in Upstate New York, and I was sent to Beth Israel Hospital for a diagnosis. While I was being treated I was asked about my drug history, and I consented to an HIV anti-body test. After I returned to the residential facility I forgot about the test and went back to my daily routine.
One afternoon my counselor called me into her office to talk about the results of the test. My counselor told me my test came back positive. I went very blank. All I saw was whiteness, like the snow. This white--nothingness...nothing, then I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt more tears welling up inside me. I heard myself shouting screaming and yelling, “Why? Oh God, why me? Why me? Why now?.” I got up and ran out of her office. I ran out of the building, into the yard, into the woods and threw myself on the ground, pounding my hands into the dirt. This was really the first conversation I had with GOD and all I could do was to blame him.
