Has dealing with HIV empowered you in ways you wouldn't have expected?

"…It is in looking to the nightmare that the dream is found." Audre Lordes. That’s how having HIV felt at first, like a nightmare. I cried, I cursed, I felt defeated. Having HIV has dragged me down to some real low points, to the edge, where I felt I was on the verge of giving up and dying. Like they say about pain, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.

What challenges do you face today that are different than when you were newly diagnosed?

That question gives me pause and causes me to reflect on my journey. Along the way, I’ve had a lot of bumps, hills, and dead ends. I realize those were the times that I was really being forced to work on my character. Today I see them as necessary storms. I haven’t always felt like this, and it has been a process to view life like this. The definition of the word challenge means something differently than it did back when I was first diagnosed.

Why do you think there isn't a significant amount of HIV prevention in prisons?

The prevalence of HIV in prison is estimated to be three to five times higher than the general population. The prison’s reasoning for not providing condoms, bleach, and other prevention tools, is that it would be aiding prisoners in breaking the law, since sex and drug use is illegal, and tattooing is now prohibited. They also say that condoms could be used as a smuggling device. Their reasons for not promoting HIV prevention sounds good in theory, but it’s not working. If anything the prison’s policies create more social stigmatization.

What do you think life will be like after there is a cure?

I can’t wait. The day is coming. I feel because of the impact of HIV/AIDS starting in the early 80's, and to where we are today, and where we’ll be when the discovery happens, the generations that lived through it will never be able to go back to sex as usual. Because of HIV/AIDS our perception on sex and ways to have sex will be forever changed. Prevention, safe sex, and condoms will always be on our mind. This will also affect the way we teach the generation that has no fear of fatality from AIDS pertaining to sex, but the messages will always be in our head, so this is what we’ll pass on.

What is your opinion on casual sex and prevention?

I believe we all have judgments on sex, but each individual has to make decisions for themselves. It’s not what you do, its how its done that’s important. In these days of HIV, your transmission opportunities go up with multiple partners, but you can still practice safe sex during casual sex. I’ve been pondering the numbers in the black community and it frustrates me, and alarms me. People are not getting the message.

What are three things you would tell someone recently diagnosed?

First thing I would say is that your prognosis for living and having a rich and fulfilling life is excellent. Today HIV is not the fatal disease it once was, and the memories of the days when it was, and along with internal and external stigmas can make learning you’re positive harder than it has to be, so breathe. You can live a normal life, with some adjustments.

Second, find a heath care provider, and get some labs done. I suggest you find one that is knowledgeable about HIV, don’t be afraid to ask them. Educate yourself, and get support.

Besides using protection, what other advice would you give to sero-divergent couples?

I must emphasize the importance of always using protection for penetrated sex. In the beginning of my 12-year relationship, the first two years to be exact, Marcus’ status was unknown. There was a couple of times we didn’t use condoms and later when he tested positive, we were unsure if he had contracted HIV through our relationship or someone from his past. That was the worst feeling.

The other advice I have is to be open and honest when having discussions about sex, protection and fears. The negative partner should be involved in care and encourage a healthy lifestyle (e.g. encouraging drug adherence, keeping medical appointments) for both partners.

How do new forms of communicating (e.g. Facebook, Twitter, texts, etc.) affect HIV prevention?

If you look around, young people have a cell phone or mp3 player glued to their ear. The recent presidential election and Oakland BART murder rally of Oscar Grant is evidence of how our society relies on modern technology. This is a prime way to reach younger people.

Does your ethnicity or culture affect the way you view HIV prevention?

The way I view prevention culturally affects me personally because of the increasing numbers in my community. When I say my community, I mean highly Black populated areas; the hood.

How has your sex life changed since you became positive?

I’ve always been a very sexual person striving for long-term relationships. My first relationship occurred when I was 18. I was with John for seven years. My next partner was Matthew for three years, who died of AIDS at the end of 1991.

I was dating someone, who knew that Matthew died of AIDS, and that I had not yet been tested. It was a year and a half later that I tested positive for HIV. We had had a sexual relationship, but always practiced safe sex. He was there as I went through the grief, and was also instrumental in me seeking treatment for my addiction, but as time went by we drifted apart.