Bacilio

Hometown, San Andres Huaxpaltepec, Jamiltepec, Mexico
Positive Since: December 17, 2004
Relationship Status: Single
Age: 27
Favorite Quote:“En boca cerrada no entran moscas.” (Flies don’t enter a closed mouth.)

I was born on January 2, 1981 in the rural village of San Andres Huaxpaltepec, Jamiltepec in the state of Oaxaca, Mexico. I am the seventh child of my parents. My family was too poor to buy meat or vegetables so each day we ate beans, salsa, and herbs that we gathered from the mountains near where we lived. My father farmed land that belonged to my uncle while my mother stayed at home and made chocolate and other foods to pay for the basic necessities to live and things we needed for school like books and shoes. My parents bought me my first pair of shoes when I was 11 years old. For most of my childhood, I experienced violence, harassment, emotional abuse, and discrimination for my sexual orientation. I always felt different from the other boys in my family and village. I was shy, studious, and many people said I acted like a girl in the ways I talked and walked, and how I used my hands to express myself. I always preferred to play with the girls rather than the boys. Between the ages of ten and twelve I began to realize that I was gay.

When I was 17 years old, I left my village in Oaxaca and went to live in Mexico City. I was tired of the persecution and discrimination I received in my home-town and wanted to be with other gay people. I wanted to enjoy life as a gay man and Mexico City was the perfect place to do so. I went to discos and bars and felt very comfortable being with other gay people. I felt free to be myself but not without terrible doubts and fears. For seven years, I lived in Mexico City before coming to California as an undocumented immigrant. I learned about HIV when I was living in Mexico City, and I believe I was infected from unprotected sex with other gay men while living there.

I was living in the Bay Area for a year when, in December of 2004, I was hospitalized in Oakland, CA with pneumonia. A few months before going to the hospital, I felt very weak and tired. I could hardly walk a block without feeling exhausted. It was the doctor who first told me that I was HIV positive while I was lying in a hospital bed. I started crying immediately after the doctor told me. No one was with me, neither family nor friends, so I felt so very alone and depressed. I was only 23 years old when I was diagnosed. I had many thoughts about committing suicide.